2.11.2003

“ur an idiot, dumbass”


This is a comment left in my guestbook on EO. I honestly don’t know where to start. Having no idea who this is, I first question why they’re talking to me. There’s no real answer to this. So, I move on to the actual comment:


[1] If you’re going to call someone an idiot, you better be pretty fucking sure you can spell. Now, stick with me people because this is about to get complicated, but just because you’re on the computer doesn’t mean you have to type like a retard.


[2] This mostly reminds me of insults from grade 7. You’re an “idiot”, “dumbass”. That’s like: you’re a homo, fag. Or you love clowns, Mr. McDonald! Actually, it’s not as clever as the last one. If the Mr. McDonald insult and the EO insult had a fight, McDonald’s would kick its ass so harshly. The EO insult is just that unclutch. You don’t need to double up on insults people. Calling someone a ‘dumbass’ once gets the point across.


[3] Last, but not least, what is the point? Why is this sentence fragment even on the internet? It’s not pretty and it has no friends, so why was it written? I piss off a lot of people, but I honestly can’t remember pissing off this particular one. Maybe it’s all part of a diabolical plan to get me to off myself. I hope it is, I’ve always wanted to be part of a diabolical plan. Actually… how diabolical is it to hurt my feelings with mean words? I’ve been doing it for years to other people and none of them have splattered their brains onto a wall. Plus if this is the most evil thing this guy can think of, I think I should pity him and stop making fun of him. My lunch has more clever ploys. So where does this leave us? The only possible solution is Karma! Yes, my bastardish ways have earned me a bad Karma trip. As to how my Karma trip will play out… only Buddha knows.
“ur an idiot, dumbass”




This is a comment left in my guestbook on EO. I honestly don’t know where to start. Having no idea who this is, I first question why they’re talking to me. There’s no real answer to this. So, I move on to the actual comment:



[1] If you’re going to call someone an idiot, you better be pretty fucking sure you can spell. Now, stick with me people because this is about to get complicated, but just because you’re on the computer doesn’t mean you have to type like a retard.



[2] This mostly reminds me of insults from grade 7. You’re an “idiot”, “dumbass”. That’s like: you’re a homo, fag. Or you love clowns, Mr. McDonald! Actually, it’s not as clever as the last one. If the Mr. McDonald insult and the EO insult had a fight, McDonald’s would kick its ass so harshly. The EO insult is just that unclutch. You don’t need to double up on insults people. Calling someone a ‘dumbass’ once gets the point across.



[3] Last, but not least, what is the point? Why is this sentence fragment even on the internet? It’s not pretty and it has no friends, so why was it written? I piss off a lot of people, but I honestly can’t remember pissing off this particular one. Maybe it’s all part of a diabolical plan to get me to off myself. I hope it is, I’ve always wanted to be part of a diabolical plan. Actually… how diabolical is it to hurt my feelings with mean words? I’ve been doing it for years to other people and none of them have splattered their brains onto a wall. Plus if this is the most evil thing this guy can think of, I think I should pity him and stop making fun of him. My lunch has more clever ploys. So where does this leave us? The only possible solution is Karma! Yes, my bastardish ways have earned me a bad Karma trip. As to how my Karma trip will play out… only Buddha knows.

1.23.2003

EdmontonOnline.net



First, I would like to say that I'm not bashing Edmontononline itself. It's the scuzzy hookers who frequent the site that make it disgusting. Why is that as soon as you put someone in front of a computer screen, they grow a set of balls? A midget with downs syndrom could kick my ass, so don't get the wrong idea with this blog. I don't pretend I can kick ass. I'm not a magical super hero who can pull a fucking rocket launcher out of my ass. Put me in a ring with four babies and Ronald McDonald and all that will be left will be the beaten corpse of a once morgue-identifiable Kim.


So why do people get cocky on the net? I guess it's because they can threaten all they want without consequence. This may sound slightly hypocritical. You see, natives are greasy Godless savages and in most cases pedophiles. Now I wouldn't exactly go up to Joe Littlemustache Redfeather and tell him that, but I wouldn't exactly kiss his ass either. I'd settle with just enough lip to get out alive. That's what people do in real life. Just enough gay bashing to keep from getting mauled by the 6 foot transvestite. Just enough racism to not appear on a CBC special and just enough threats to never really have to fight.


On the internet, all that goes out the window. People talk smack and there's nothing you can do about it. You can bitch back, but it's general a big waste of fucking time. If someone calls me a racist for hating natives on the net, I'll tell them to cry to Jesus about it. If someone calls me a racist in real life, I'll point out the fact I'm friends with a lot of non crackers. As soon as a 'real-life' reputation is at risk, you start to take the situation seriously.


I think this is why I left EO. I was the user 'spaz' and was being a dick and fighting with random people. One of these people, let's just call her velocity_gurl because that's her actual screen name, took things a little too seriously. I never really said anything to her, but she was bitching at a friend of mine. My friend bitched back of course, actually, she bitched back much better than velocity could ever hope to do. In the end, we both left EO. It left a sour taste really. People who take their net persona too seriously should be cruely ass raped. I go on the net to escape reality by pissing off a larger mass of people than I would in real life. It makes me feel GOOD about myself. Is that so wrong? For me to feel good, someone else has to feel bad, but not to the extent they have to "kick some ass". Seriously, if I offend you so much that you want to kill me, stay off the fucking net. Or ignore me. You take youself way too seriously and have a psycho reality perception problem.


Here's the ground rules, I piss you off in real life, punch me in the face and we'll play it out. I piss you off on the internet, stop being such a useless whiney pussy you douchebag.

1.05.2003

Dirty Natives... In Your Backyard!




If you're from Edmonton, you've probably heard of the recent Native gang activity. Of course by 'gang' I mean five undereducated bastards with too much time on their hands. The Natives here find it fun to attack the white people. Now obviously I don't condone the attacking of white people. As a strong supporter of Batman [white] and the Terminator [also white], I've decided these attacks must stop.


In order to stop these attacks, I've made some new laws:


Plan A

[1] All Natives, upon looking on persons of any origin, shall be shot

[2] Natives, who refuse to look at persons of any origin, shall be shot


As you can see, with a little bit of effort, police could quite easily contain the threat. Some people may think these laws are harsh, like vegans or people who listen to the Dixie Chicks, but they're not. If you can defend these people just because they occasionally kidnap five people and savagely beat them with the power of the buffalo, I'd like to challenge you to a debate. No... I've changed my mind, if you can defend these people, I don't think I want to talk to you, you sound retarded.


For those who think Plan A [also known as Delta Alpha Squaw Hunt] is 'mean' or inhumaine' or 'what Hitler would do', I'll present you with Plan B [Delta Bravo Squaw Camp]:


Plan B

[1] Round up all Natives

[2] Put Natives on airplanes

[3] Ask terrorists to hijack said planes and blow them up


You see, in this case, hate really does win over love. This is the type of article that white people consider hateful, but I have a major problem with those people. The guy at the University of Alberta who runs the Native Studies program [Dr. Squaw Loving Dumbass, phd] said that these crimes are not hate crimes. The one he was directly refering to was the time when 30 natives beat up five kids on an LRT. Can you imagine if white people had done that to five natives? Apart from the obvious hilarity, this would be the last straw. This would be the final brick in the wall of hate that the White Devil has built around the natives. Dr. Squaw Loving Dumbass says it is simply teens being teens. So I could go to a 7/11, rob it, beat the chinese clerk to death with an Eatmore bar and I would be excused in court under the defense of 'teens will be teens'? Last time I checked, 'boys will be boys' didn't do much to defend the kid who threw his Grandma down the stairs and set her cats on fire.

11.15.2002

After recieving some hate mail [from fat people... ironically, there is no possible way they could hate me as much as I hate them... so it's practically love mail] I would like to present the readers with a list of persons whom should not read this blog due to the fact you may feel suicidal after said reading:


[1] Fatties [nothing more to say, you're fat, you have no rights]

[2] Natives [quit your bitching and drink some AJAX]

[3] Queers [you make it way too easy]

[4] Most Cultures [if you belong to any culture you'd better leave]

[5] Most Religions [you can have your dilusions as long as I don't know about them]




And now the answers to dumb comments from the fatties:



I bet you're fat too. Are you fat?

No. Don't try to drag me down to your level. It's like this: I have gravy in my blood, not blood in my gravy. Got it chubs? Oh and if you wonder why fat people are so bad, look at this short list of fat people throughout history:

the octopus from the Little Mermaid

Beastley from The Care Bears

Comic Book guy from the Simpsons

Big Pun

All of these people are the deffinition of evil. This can only mean one thing: fat people are being controlled by the devil.





You're just jealous because us plus sizes get all the guys

Now, truly, I shouldn't even have to comment on this, but as your blood is too busy supplying oxygen to your 15 chins to pay a visit to your brain, I will. No. Really. The guys you get no one wants. On top of that, if you did get guys, they would have to really enjoy the sensation of dropping a pencil down a well.


You just wanna fuck me because you know fat is the best!

On the contrary my dear chubs, nothing could be farther from the truth. Plus, I think we'd be different species. You're made of ham and you're blood type is gravy. This means that you are not human. You are half pig, half cow.


Please stop poking me in the stomach and making me go "Ooohoo!".

No fucking way.

11.09.2002

I went to this party yesterday and the weirdest people were there. I'm not quite sure what the age limit on going to high school house parties is, but if it's over 40, then the people there were well out of the limit. I swear this one guy was balding. Fucking balding! Hey, I love shiney wax head as much as the next freak show, but when it's due to the fact you're 40 years old and suffering from prostate cancer there's a slight problem.


There were also a fair share of fat ass people. It was a small house, so the fat people raised the temperature and took up valuable breathing air. This one fat ass was standing outside in the front yard for forty minutes.... in his socks. This is Edmonton. It is cold here. There is snow. Snow is cold. Cold snow + feet= disgusting frostbite. Oh well... maybe he'll have to get his feet amputated and he'll die in surgery. What I'm getting at is, maybe there will be one less fat person uglying up my air.


I'm not quite sure why, or what I'm bitter about. I'm just generally bitter. Maybe it's because this 21 year old kept hitting on me [I was about to kick him in the balls, but reasoned not to as he might actually enjoy that sort of thing] or maybe I'm just always bitter. Ah well. Too lazy to think.

11.04.2002

Hmm. This weekend was a complete waste of makeup/time. My ever so intelligent brother [who is in native studies... we are white... such a fucking dissapointment] decided to throw a party on Friday. Now, I'm all for parties, but when they start to steal shit and damage the house, there's an obvious problem. People are such god damn savages. No respect for other peoples bloody things. I came home around 12:30 to find the street taken over by rusty, crap infested cars. This lead me to a few conclusions. Either:



1. My Native brother is throwing a party.

2. My next door neighbors are friends with natives [i.e., people who drive shitty cars]

3. The house has been sold to some immegrant family.



Now, since two and three are so unlikely that Micheal Jackson has the chance of not being a pedophile, I settled with numero uno. I park half way down the block, I walk to the house. Grade 11's are outside of my house. Obviously not invited because as far as I'm concerned, it was sort of an over 18 deal. Anyway, some guy said he got kicked out of the house. I asked him why. He intelligently replied, "Haha I was wearing my shoes... IN THE HOUSE! Haha suckers who own it!" I asked him to repeat that phrase and calmly [in a pissed off sort of way] retorted with, "You motherfucking cock sucking son of a Jewish whore, that's my fucking house. You're a piece of shit and I hope you die of ghonnerea and rot in hell." He liked that so much he left. I think he left to write it down for future use.


I now make my way inside the house. What is this? The stench of beer and cigarettes. My parents neither smoke nor drink, so this posed an obvious problem. I decided to direct my attention to the 30 year old man trying to steal the PlayStation 2. At that moment the police show up and arrest his native ass [he is white]. There are a few fights, a few more cigarettes, some more people falling down the stairs and all of the uninvited cock suckers go home. After evaluting the house I find the floor looks like someone raped it. The walls didn't look much better. My brother looked like he had drank a couple of Colt 45's [feild work for Native Studies]. Well, who cares, I just live there. What really pissed me off was the fact that there were three PS2 games missing. Now, the games being broken is fine, but the fact that some ass raping fuck is out there enjoying them makes me want to kill. KILL DAMMIT! If I find out who took them I will rip off their balls and shove them so far down their throat the next thing they'll be shitting out will be those very same balls.


So besides that, the weekend was alright. I saw the Ring and took a big crap in my pants [not really, but I think the goth in front of me did, he smelled pretty rank]. Back to the party, why are people such cock suckers? I've come to the conclusion that I hate just about everyone. Everyone I see is a potential jackass just waiting for an opportunity to piss me off. I think I'm just going to hate everyone and let them hate me back because I'm too lazy to make everyone happy. I used to play peacekeeper all the time, but fuck it. Just fuck it.

10.21.2002

Mysteriously, I have no homework after missing four days of school. This is due to the fact school is a complete joke and nothing productive is ever done in it. [That's not true... in elementary school we used to have pizza days.] Those were very productive. To have no homework is a good thing, but today was ruined by the weather. It snowed. I'm not saying extreme heat is the way to go, hell I'm not even saying Florida* is the best, but snow seriously sucks. It makes speeding harder than usual, it prevents me from wearing nice shoes and winter coats make me feel like an eskimo.


*better known as America's penis


Now, considering Halloween hasn't even come skipping across the calender yet; I'd say we're screwed for nice weather until June. The worst part is, since we live in Edmonton, we never get snow days. In America they get snow days. In Hongcouver they get snow days. I want a damn snow day. Bitching and moaning never got anyone anywhere... well except for that fat guy who sued McDonald's for being fat... and then there's that retarded lady who sued McDonald's for spilling coffee on herself... okay bitching and moaning and eating McDonald's while being a hopeless retard will get you somewhere, but it doesn't help me get a snow day. So, anyone who works at Snow Valley or Rabbit Hill and knows the secret to making snow [If it involves sacrifices or Gumby I'm in] please tell me. I'll give you foodstamps and my collection of American pennies.